After We Pray, Then What?

When tragedies strike, one of the first things we see and hear is “we’re praying”.  Shootings in churches, churches being burned down, women pastors under siege, marriage equality, flag controversies…..and we see and hear, “we’re praying”.  We become upset when certain issues are brought to the forefront and others are not.  We blame the media for what they promote and what they fail to report….and we see and hear, “we’re praying”.  Prayer vigils, prayer conferences, prayer cloths and prayer calls…..and we see and hear, “we’re praying”.

But the question becomes after we have seen it all, heard it all, had our prayer gatherings and prayer calls, what is next?  What will be our response?  What are we actually praying for?  We say we are praying for God to heal the land but we won’t repent.  We quote 2 Chronicles 7:14 and we get the praying part right but have not we humbled ourselves and turned from our wicked ways?  We say we are asking God to comfort those who mourn but we fail to want to show love to everyone.  Perhaps while we are praying we need to pray for God to give us strategies for what our role should be in active engagement with the issues at hand.  Perhaps we need to pray for God to give us the courage to stop trying to hide behind “Jesus, fix it” and ask how can we be used by God to help fix it.  Perhaps we need to pray for God to show us how to be more like Jesus willing and able to confront and combat the systems which seek to oppress and harm rather than simply just saying “we’re praying”. 

We can no longer read the word but fail to act on the word.  James 1:22 teaches us not to be only hearers of the word but to be doers of the word also.  We cannot stay on our knees in prayer but fail to act on what God speaks.  The true measure of our witness depends on if the people in darkness see the light of the people of God actively working to rid the world of the darkness.

Taking a flag down is not going to stop racism.  It may remove a reminder but it will also fuel the flames.  To end racism means to operate in the radical love as Christ loved and acceptance of people we consider other or inferior.  It has to be taught at home, in our schools and in our communities.  In order to remove racism, we must remove the mindsets which perpetuate it.  In order to pierce the power racism and unfair treatment of people means we must be more educated and intentional in our voting and electing of officials.  We must do more than simply pray. 

To begin to hear from heaven, we must repent for all the ways we have strayed away from God – not just those who have been the victimizers but all of us.  We have to repent for how we have allowed the comfort of our buildings and worship services to keep us from being actively engaged in confronting societal ills.  We have allowed government to keep us from speaking truth to power.  We have failed to stand on the Lord’s side for the sake of platforms, positions and financial gain.  We have failed to love God’s people because they do not look like, sound like or live like we think they should.  Therefore it is not those whom we deem as wrong who need to repent but the people of God need to repent as well.

As in the last couple of weeks, the days ahead will continue to try our faith and test us as the people of God.  However, we must make a decision that we are not going to hide behind prayer and fail to act.  If anything, we must show the world that we are not afraid and we will rebuild.  We will educate.  We will take a stand.  But most importantly, we will love with a radical love.  We will love to the point it will cast out all fear.  We will love so that the world will know we truly are the people of God.  Love is an action word.  After we pray, let us begin to act in love.

Are You Prepared?

On yesterday there was a significant flight delay due to the weather. The airport I was flying into had been closed due to the weather.  As a result, when I did arrive, it was within 15 minutes of my connecting flight. I was at the B gate but had to get to the E gate. The only way to get there was to run.

The moral of the story is we have to be prepared for the unexpected in life. Over the past couple of years I have been training my body. I've learned to workout, to eat better, and to take care of myself. As I had to make the mad dash across the airport, I could only do it because I had been being prepared in the off season to use the strength and ability in the in season.

The season is coming where we will have to be stronger,  better and wiser to handle what God has for us.  The only way we will be able to handle it and survive is by being prepared.  We must discern what skills, abilities and structures we need to begin developing and putting into place now for us to be prepared for our later. Are you prepared?

Surrendering and Acceptance

This morning as I was preparing for my prayer and meditation time, a song was in my spirit almost out of nowhere. The song was “I Surrender All”. For a moment, I sat with the song because I really didn’t know where it came from or what it was going to mean as I was about to enter into prayer and meditation. It would not be until after my time was over that the understanding would come.

As we get older and we experience life, if we are not careful, we can silence the voice of the call on our lives. Depending on what area(s) we are called, we can give in to the pressures of governing boards, authorities and those who seem to know what is best. We look for others to call us and validate us, moving further and further away from that which we know we are truly called to be and/or do. For some of us, we allow our insecurities to take center stage which allows us to give in to other people’s opinions, judgments and desires for us. After all, they have been where we have been and made it to these places of position and power, aren’t they supposed to have the right answers? Yet, if we are in tune to the Spirit, we live with this quiet but uncomfortable longing and voice from within that tells us something is still not right no matter the titles we call ourselves, letters before or after our names, or stages we are allowed to stand on. There is still more and there is still a place we must get to.

This morning it was as if my spirit was singing its own song. “I surrender all. I surrender all. All to Jesus, my blessed Savior, I surrender all”. The spirit was being summons to lay it all down. Lay down all that burdens you have carried. All that you think you know and think you are. All that people have said about you. Everything….lay it down. For it has been what you have been carrying but has it been who you are and what you are truly called to do? While at the same time doing what is comfortable and what you have known, you still have not fully embraced all that you are and what you are truly called to do. An uncomfortable position to be in but almost being able to breathe a sigh of relief because the discomfort you have felt is finally acknowledged. The masks you have chosen to live behind are able to be removed and you see yourself for who you really are. No longer having to live on the sidelines of the life you know you are supposed to have because you are afraid of what will people think, say or do. Yet not really caring because what is calling you is much stronger than the opinions and perspectives of others. Yes, now it is time to surrender and accept. Surrender what has been. Surrender every fear, insecurity, hiding moment. In exchange, accept the fullness of your calling, purpose and identity. Accept who God has called, crafted, created and sent you to be. Freedom is birth in the surrendering and accepting.

Today I surrender my fears and insecurities to God which has caused me to hide and not walk in what I know God has called me to. I accept the purpose and the identity of who I am. When I was called to ministry there was a text which I was repeatedly taken to.

Jeremiah 1:4-10 (NRSV) says “Now the word of the Lord came to me saying, “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, and before you were born I consecrated you; I appointed you a prophet to the nations.” Then I said, “Ah, Lord God! Truly I do not know how to speak, for I am only a boy.” But the Lord said to me, “Do not say, ‘I am only a boy’; for you shall go to all to whom I send you, and you shall speak whatever I command you. Do not be afraid of them, for I am with you to deliver you, says the Lord.” Then the Lord put out his hand and touched my mouth; and the Lord said to me, “Now I have put my words in your mouth. See, today I appoint you over nations and over kingdoms, to pluck up and to pull down, to destroy and to overthrow, to build and to plant.”

Just as Jeremiah was fearful and insecure, so have I been. But God knew before time who Jeremiah was called to be. As with me, God knows who God has called me to be. Now it is time for me to walk in it and no longer run or hide from it. So today I choose to accept my acceptance and my full calling. Not simply as preacher/pastor but the fullness to walk in the apostolic and prophetic. “To pluck up and to pull down, to destroy and to overthrow, to build and to plant”. Now is the time and I choose to say “yes” to it all that I may live in the fullness of who God called me to be. I surrender and accept.

2012 Reflection: The Year of "But God"

Anytime I find myself getting sick, I take it as a sign from God that I need to slow down. Now a couple of days away from the end of the year, I lie in bed with a slight cold. However, in the stillness of this last Saturday morning of 2012, I am very grateful for being forced to be still. In the stillness I hear God and can have time to meditate and reflect. Many times when the end of the year comes people have so much excitement stating the next year is “going to be my year” because the year we are exiting from has had its share of trials and tribulations. We rush out of one year with such anticipation and expectation, seemingly only to recite the same sentence at the close of the next year…..”Next year is going to be my year”. When we look back on it, it seems all we had was a series of setbacks, disappointments, struggles. All we can look forward to is a new beginning and hopefully better outcomes. As I prepare to exit 2012, I have great expectations of what 2013 will bring. However, I am also choosing to leave 2012 in gratitude rather than defeat or disappointment in what has happened over the course of the year. It has been a year of ups and downs, disappointments and setbacks but it has also been a year of great joys, blessings and favor. I started the year looking for a job, money low, and bills still needing to be paid but God blessed me with a new job making more than I have made in years. I envisioned starting the PhD program this year but it was setback. But God has me in position to complete my second masters and pursue another educational opportunity in an area I am passionate about coming in 2013. It was a year of car troubles and related expenses that appeared to drain me. But God blessed me with a new car and the car that I wanted. Some people walked out of my life, it hurt deeply and I didn’t really understand. But God opened the door for new relationships, friendships and associations to come in their place. There are many things I could look at as loss. Many things I could choose to look at in sadness. However, as I leave out of 2012, all I can say is “but God”. 2012 was the year of “but God”. God is faithful. God has a greater plan than anything I could ever imagine. It is not to be churchy or religious but it is to state facts. Things have happened which I could not have imagined or dreamed. It was not at my hand or my doing but it was in the master plan of God. Every loss, every setback, every dark cloud, even when I could not see it at the time, had a “but God” attached to it. Therefore as we prepare to cross into 2013, I am not going hell-bent on my will, my timetable, or my expectations. I cross over into 2013 continuing to seek God’s will, God’s direction, the Spirit’s leading and God’s timetable. Yes, I have some goals written down and some desired timelines to keep myself accountable. However, I also remain flexible knowing there may be some adjustments along the way because God is still in control. The goals will be met and the desired end will come but the journey may take some twists and turns before I get to the end. It does not lessen my expectation of it coming to pass. That is a lot to say coming from a control freak, type A personality that likes to know the whole process in advance. However as 2012 has shown me, no matter how much I want to know or how much God has shown me in advance, there are still steps, twists and turns that I don’t know about in advance. I just have to trust God and flow with the Spirit. I leave out of 2012 in peace, not with the frustration and anxiety of years past. I leave in light knowing even in the midst of all the struggles, 2012 was a necessary year. There were lessons learned through the struggle, disappointments and heartaches. It did not kill me when I felt like it would. It did not win when it seemed as if it had the final say. I am still here and choosing to continue to move forward. I am still learning and living. Therefore, all of it happened for a greater purpose than even I understand right now. I pray we all come to the place of not rushing our lives away and failing to appreciate the journey. We all have a way we must go and it was not promised to us it would be easy, fair or perfect. However, we must choose to trust God knows what is best. We must keep the faith and keep believing it will get better. We must be able to look on the whole picture, even the things which hurt us or made us struggle, with the eyes of gratitude because it built our faith, character, deepened our relationship with God, taught us to pray, and a host of other things. Let us choose to leave 2012 in peace with great expectation for what is to come in 2013. Farewell 2012 and welcome 2013!

Permission Slip: A Valentine's Love Letter to Myself

When we were in grade school, whenever there was a special activity or field trip usually there was a permission slip required. The permission slip would have to be signed by a parent or guardian granting permission to participate in the said activity or trip. So often in our lives, like small children, we walk around with invisible permission slips, waiting for someone to give us permission to live our lives. We wait on society, relatives, mentors, or friends to approve of us and our choices. We sit by watching life pass us by because we are waiting on the permission slip to be signed by some authority figure to turn in to some unidentifiable source that has the key to open the door to our lives.
However, today on this Valentine’s Day, I have chosen to give myself one of the greatest, most important gifts I can give myself. I give myself the Ultimate Permission Slip. Today I hereby sign it stating my approval for Evita L. Smith to participate in my own life as of February 14, 2012. I attach this permission slip to this letter to myself:
Dear Evita,
I have loved you since the beginning but have wished and hoped for you to realize and acknowledge it. There is so much inside of you and you have not even begun to see what great things are in store for you. So today I give you a gift of love – permission to be the best you that you can be. I give you permission to live your life to the fullest and obtain everything God has for you. I give you permission to forgive yourself for the past and be free to experience the future. I give you permission to say “yes” to what you will and “no” as you please regardless of anyone else’s expectations. I give you permission to be ok with whatever decision you make. I give you permission to let go or grab hold, walk away or stay, take the risk or be cautious. It is your choice. You have permission to live out loud, be bold, laugh, cry, dance and be free. May from this day forward, you never wait for someone to give you permission to be you because you are the best you. You are the best you because you are “fearfully and wonderfully made”. May you never live in regret or feel less than because the you that you are is just fine. So go on and do you, love you but most importantly be you. You hereby have your permission.
Happy Valentine’s Day! I love you!

May those of you who read this always give yourself permission to be and love you!

Happy New Year 2012

5...4…3…2…1, Happy New Year! The moment we all waited for…a new year, a new day, a new start has begun. While it is an exciting time as we consider all the things we will set out to accomplish this year, it is also a scary time. 5…4…3…2…1 and the clock starts. It is the countdown to the clock starting me trying to figure out how I am going to get so much accomplished in what seems like a short amount of time. This clock is ticking down 12 months until I am at this point again – a new goal list, a new set of responsibilities, a new calendar to get them done.

While some people sit comfortably floating through life, content with the status quo, people like me begin to feel intense pressure. It is the life of the dreamer. When one has the fire and passion of dreams and visions inside of you, it puts you in overdrive. (At least I can say it does for me.) When I consider the amount of time lost while trying to “find myself” – the various careers, schooling, relationships, etc – when it finally clicks what you are supposed to do, you feel like you have to make up for lost time. It feels like the clock becomes louder and faster, signaling you are running out of time. While you know everything you have experienced has been preparation for now, it still feels like you are behind.

This is one thought I constantly battle especially as the New Year approaches. “This year I have to get it right”, I say. Then I am reminded of two things. The first is the race is not given to the swift but to the one who endures to the end. This journey is a process and it takes time. It is not a sprint but a marathon. Therefore I have to take it one day at a time knowing I will make it to completion. The second thing I am reminded of is one day with the Lord is like a thousand years and a thousand years as one day. God’s timing is not like the timing of man. I have to abide by God’s timing and release myself from the confines of my own timetable. Though there is work to be done and I must work on the things God has for me, God also has a set time of fulfillment. There is no reason to stress myself but to take it one day at a time.

I have always been an overachiever and could stress myself out to perform. Now years later though I still have the overachiever mentality, I have to allow my relationship with God to guide me rather than my mind to rule me. I will reach my goals. I will bring God glory. It may not be on the schedule I once thought it would be. But in the end it will happen. After this self-check, I can say “Happy New Year” now, take a deep breath and enjoy this moment of transition. It is a new year filled with new opportunities and I am excited about its possibilities.

It's Calling Me

Over the course of our lives we will try many things. We will go to school, get degrees, work in jobs, and have relationships. In all that we do, ultimately we are trying to figure out where do we belong, how do we fit in, what is my purpose. Oftentimes through the conditioning of society, we go through the motions of life without truly experiencing it because of certain societal norms, rules and wishes of others upon our lives. Fear of failure, fear of the unknown, and fear of rejection, just to name a few, act as chains upon our dreams, passions and desires keeping us from moving forward in what is truly down in our souls to experience.

It is a scary place to ask yourself the question, what would you do if you weren’t afraid? What would you do if you knew you could not fail? Where would you go if circumstances proved favorable for the journey and resources were not a question? These are the questions of what some people would call daydreams but I consider them the “questions of the soul”. It is questions like these we are afraid to ask ourselves because we are fearful or uncomfortable with the answers. It is questions like these we fail to give ourselves permission to ask because the answers may result in something that someone else would not approve of. It is questions like these that we should ask ourselves to check our own pulse every once in a while. Are we living or simply maintaining?

The questions come from a calling deep within. As we are molded to the confines of the world, we learn to drown out this questioning. We drown out the questions of the soul with the cares of life – a j.o.b (just over broke), an endless string of unfulfilling relationships, the American dream of a house, the spouse, 2.4 kids, and a dog, bills, memberships to clubs and organizations just trying to achieve a little status, titles and degrees to make ourselves feel important. However, even at its loudest point, there is still something calling from deep within that begins to pierce through the noise and confusion of life. The questions begin to call out to us. There is an unfamiliar yet familiar voice which speaks, gets our attention and we feel uncomfortable and unsettled until we begin to answer back. We try to ignore it but it continues to press and call until we yield and begin to answer.

The voice calling from within is named Purpose. It is the voice that desires to call you into your destiny and out of your displeasure. It is the voice that awakens you in the middle of the night to let you know that where you are is not where you are supposed to end up. It is cultivating you for your future. It is the voice that lets you know that you have chosen to settle rather than tenaciously fight for what you believe in the depth of your soul. Purpose calls, purpose beckons, purpose wants us to return to our first love that we will maximize this thing called life and experience it more abundantly. For purpose knows who we really are, where we are going, and purpose desires to steer us to our appointed destination.

Today I choose to answer the call of purpose. I choose to answer the questions of the soul, confront every fear and accept the call of purpose on my life. I will go where it takes me and live it out authentically and fully. As I answer this call, it empowers me to help others awaken to the call and answer it for themselves. It’s calling me and I have to answer. It’s calling you too but what will you do?

The Journey to Here

There is a battle which rages to keep us from becoming over confident to the point of being vain. Yet sometimes it is important to give ourselves permission to love ourselves and appreciate who we are and where we are. It is at this point, I find myself. I am learning to give myself permission to love the person I am and where I am in my life.

I think the struggle of self acceptance or self esteem and weight have been an on-going challenge in my life. Though I have always appreciated looking nice sometimes it is easier to wear the mask than to live out who we are authentically. As I have started a journey towards my “new self”, it has caused me to take into account or really reflect on where the weight began and what has served as a true wall preventing me from taking care of myself. It is easy to try to blame our issues on other people or on different circumstances but to get to the root of things we have to consider what are the deeper underlying issues that prevent us from moving forward.

The truth of the matter is I can say most of the issues came as a result of not knowing who I was and not being able to appreciate and love myself. Every bad relationship, everything I simply “settled” for, and most unbeneficial decisions were a result of not being true to myself because I did not really love myself. There is a phrase I have heard Pastor Paula White say over and over again. It simply says “You cannot conquer what you will not confront”. In order for me to become the person I knew deep down existed, I had to confront some things. Things such as my need to try to please people, the need to listen to other people’s opinion rather than trust what I felt in my gut, and believing that the only thing I could be is someone’s showpiece rather than realize there is more to me than looks.

When we feel out of control or feel like everyone else controls us, we try to hold on to the one thing we feel that we can control. Or we feed our insecurities and frustrations with other things. Turning to food and not wanting to be physically active were only two by-products of a deeper issue. I could blame it on being too busy or not feeling like it, but the real issue was I didn’t want to fit into anyone else’s image of what I should be or look like. As a result, I didn’t take care of myself, leave the food alone or seek to have a better way of life out of my own rebellion against anyone or anything that tried to define me.

Though I cannot say the issue is 100% cured, I am a successful work-in-progress. It has been over 10 years since I have been able to look in the mirror and say that I truly love and appreciate the person I am now. The decisions I have made have not been at the hands of anyone else. I have decided to live for me and that is the only way I can effectively be available to minister to others. Out of a healthy sense of self, I can identify with the struggles of others and help them know they too can overcome. It has been a long journey to here but I can say confidently, I am so glad that I made it and I am looking forward to what is ahead. The best is yet to come and I am so excited about it.

Overcoming the Obstacles

At the end of May 2011, I set out on a goal that I did not realize would change my life. I decided at 35 it was time to get my health in check. It was time to take care of me. Not for anyone else but to do something important for myself. I joined a group on Facebook called “Train2Win”. I did not know what to expect because I have never been the fitness type. I decided to no longer allow fear to hold me and I “showed up” for the first session of many to climb Stone Mountain. I didn’t think I would be able to make the trek. I was nervous because I didn’t know anyone. But I took a chance. The first key to overcoming obstacles is “Show Up”. I could not allow my fear to keep me from meeting my goal. I could not allow my insecurities to sideline me from becoming a better me. Oftentimes we must conquer those things that try to conquer us by simply showing up.

Making the decision to join the T2W group was the best decision I could have made. Not only was I able to overcome my fear of meeting new people, I would be introduced to a new family that was supportive and instrumental in pushing and motivating me to push towards my goal. The trainer, Christian, didn’t allow me to accept defeat, try to quit or give half in reaching the top. We were pushed, encouraged, motivated and supported towards overcoming any excuse and hindrance that tried to stop us.

The second key of overcoming the obstacles is “Stop Replaying the Old Messages.” We can allow ourselves to be defeated because we replay the old tapes in our heads about what we haven’t been able to do in the past. I have replayed how I tried to lose weight before but have been unsuccessful at keeping it off. I can replay the tapes of how I haven’t been physically active and hated working out so why should I try now. None of the old tapes were worth listening to. I needed to destroy them. The only way to destroy them was to create new tapes. My new fitness journey allowed me to create new tapes to remind me that I can do it. Not only could I do it, but I would do it.

On Saturday, October 1st, I overcame another obstacle. I ran my first 5k. With my brother and sister-in-law along for the journey, I set out to prove to myself that I could do it. And I did it! For most of the race, I had to run it alone because they were up ahead of me. But during the race, I was reminded of my growth. Once fearful of being alone or frustrated of being behind, I had another lesson I learned on the mountain to overcoming the obstacles. The lesson is “Sometimes we have to go alone but if we stay focused we will get there in our own time.” I did make it to the finish line in my own time. But as I turned the corner heading towards the finish line, there was my brother and sister in law waiting to meet me. Not only did they meet me but they came and ran the finish line with me. Even when we think we are alone, there are others waiting to encourage, support and travel with us to our destination.

I crossed the finish line at 44:03. It was an emotionally exhilarating experience. I never would have thought the day would come that I would become a runner. But on Saturday, October 1st, I proved to myself that I could do, I would do it, and I did do it. I have overcome. Obstacles can serve as two things. They can be setbacks or they can be motivators to push you toward your goals. At one time, they would have set me back. But now, in the words of Marvin Sapp, I am “stronger, wiser and better”. I’ve learned the lessons. I’ve persevered. I have won because I chose to train2win.

If It's to Be, It's Up to Me

This quote encompasses the journey of my life over the past year. From taking the risk to start a church in September 2010 to choosing to drop weight and re-define my body in March 2011 (didn’t really breakthrough until May 2011), every decision has not been because of anyone else but me, with God’s help.

As I think back over my life, I can reflect back on the number of decisions I have made based on what someone else thought would be a good idea. I have spent a lot of my life being apprehensive about trying new things because of other people. In other words, I had a HUGE problem with trying to please other people. Oftentimes I would or would not do things simply because of what other people said or didn’t say, did or did not do. In the end the only person left being miserable, frustrated and upset would be me.

The first lesson I had to really come to terms with is if I wanted to achieve anything significant in my life, I am responsible for making it happen. It would mean I would need to be delivered from people. I have always been driven but there has always been a part of me that allowed others to intimidate me or make me feel unsure of myself. But deep down inside, I always knew I had the ability to be and do more. The only thing that was stopping me was me. I needed to give myself permission to be the “me” that I was created to be. It would take moving out of state for a year and one ministry/career betrayal to cause me to make the decision to do something different. Now I am able to see, with clarity, “if it’s to be, it’s up to me”.

No one can keep us from maximizing our potential or reaching our destiny but the one who looks at us in the mirror. If God has called us to it, God will give us the ability to make it happen. Biblically, we see examples of those who had been called to great tasks or positioned for great blessings try to talk themselves (and God) out of it because of limitations they felt they had, sometimes based on the perceptions and activities of others. We must trust God enough and believe in ourselves enough to know it is not only possible that we can achieve greatness but it will happen if we stay the course.

I have chosen to stay the course and believe in myself, even through the ups and the downs. I can proudly say I have celebrated the 1st year anniversary of the church despite those who said I wouldn’t make it or shouldn’t do it. I have exceeded my goal, by 2lbs and counting, towards losing the 20lbs. I have stayed consistent and intensified my fitness regimen despite not thinking I could ever become physically fit. I will even run my 1st 5k on this coming Saturday. I can say I am proud of the accomplishments I have made towards my goals. It is all because I choose to believe and remind myself that “if it’s to be, it’s up to me”.

Commitment

My lenten commitment was not to necessarily give up something but to take something on. I guess if I had to state that I was "giving something up" I would be giving up my lack of motivation to be physically active or to a degree laziness. I allow other things to take priority over my commitment to my physical health. "I'm too busy", "I'm too tired", "I don't feel like it" are all excuses I have made concerning becoming active. To a degree I think it is my personal rebellion against society stating you must be a certain weight and figure or all the other people who have been in my life trying to make me fit into their boxed image of what I should look like. Nonetheless, I have placed fitness and dieting on the back burner to so many other things.

This year I finally believe that I am ready. Through prayer and research, I have started a new fitness regimen, joined the gym, and have been trying to modify my eating. (Pray for a sistah as I am a sugar-holic in recovery...lol) As I have been on this journey, it has caused me to think about commitment in general. Oftentimes we do not maximize our lives because we don't understand the power of commitment. We have the ability in our society to be half committed to so many things, i.e. diets, marriage, careers, relationships, etc. You name it and we know of someone or even our own stories of how we have set out to do something but down the road chosen to abandon it for something else. Why do we fail at commitment?

Commitment seems to fail when we do not have the proper attitudes towards something. We have a "goal" before us but we fail to put an effective and realistic plan in place to achieve it. We have a "goal" but we don't put something before us that reminds us of our goal. We have a "goal" but we fail to allow or invite accountability into our lives to keep us on track toward the goal. There are many reasons why we don't meet the goal but if we are serious about it, then we have to change the way we think and behave in order to meet our goal.

Now that I have been on this journey, seriously, I have had to implement some behavior changes and thought life changes to ensure I stay successful. One thing I have had to do is confront the placed upon myself and the thought processes behind it. I have had to identify why I talk myself out of things and why I hinder my own success. I have enlisted an accountability partner to make sure that I go to the gym or that I eat properly. The biggest change I have had to make is to motivate myself. It is easy to depend on crutches such as people or other tools but the real test and the real success is when you can motivate yourself because "you" are ready to make a change.

I am excited at where I am going. I actually can see my goal before me. I am "finding my happy" and enjoying the journey. The destination is not the success for me, it is learning to enjoy and appreciate the journey. Until next time....

Different Paths Lead to Similar Goals

Yesterday I ventured to Piedmont Park for my first walk of the spring. I am on this new fitness goal to lose weight and become a runner. As I was in the park, I really began to take notice of what was going on around me. There were the young, the young at heart, runners, walkers, boot-campers, men, women and children. Everyone was doing some type of physical activity.

As I continued walking, the Spirit provided me clarity on what I was to learn from this scenery. Though each person was at a different level of experience and on a different path, they were all working towards a similar goal - weight loss/management, physical fitness and/or enjoying the day. Though this was a natural activity, there was a spiritual revelation involved.

Oftentimes, we can develop a defeated attitude because we see others attaining rewards that we hope to receive and become frustrated because we have not gotten there. We may want to have a better marriage, better health, career aspirations or even fitness goals. No matter the goal, we all know people who are farther along on the journey than we are. We may feel as if we may not get there or we don't have what it takes to get there.

We must learn to appreciate where we are on "our" journey. God has given us all a path we must take towards our destiny. However, we cannot become jealous or envious of someone else. Instead we can use those persons as examples to motivate us to continue pushing, continue striving to get to the goal. We all must start somewhere and we all must finish our race the way we are intended to. We cannot successfully attain anything by being someone else. As we all consider the things we are trying to accomplish, we need to take a moment to celebrate ourselves and know that with hard work, perseverance and determination, along with God's help, we will get to the goal if we do not faint, quit or give up.

I will no longer allow myself to beat up on myself because I do not do something like someone else. I will not allow others to make me feel inferior because I may be just starting on something they have been doing for a while. I will continue to work on my dreams and goals until I achieve them. I will celebrate my journey and know that the rewards will be all the more worthwhile because I stayed in the race and I finished my course to my destiny.

Enjoy "your" journey! You will get there in the end!

Spring has Sprung..."Spring Cleaning"

Oftentimes, we allow life to overtake us and we neglect what needs to be done. Thus, we always hear about people doing "spring cleaning". Throughout the winter we allow things to pile up. We push things in closets and under the bed. We cause everything we choose not to deal with to be tucked nicely in that secret hiding place rather than figure out: do we need it, do we want it, or do we need to get rid of it.

As we do this with material items, we also do this with the emotional baggage of our lives. We keep shifting, tucking, hiding and compartmentalizing things until we decide to "spring clean". I guess I have done the tucking and hiding as I have moved through the winters of my life. I have chosen what I will not confront instead to compartmentalize it until an opportune time.

The opportune time has now presented itself. It is time to dust off the notebooks of goals and dreams, unpack the boxes of thoughts and prayers, and spring forward re-entering "my" life. I am 2 months away from my 35th birthday. I am finally at the place where I feel like I am exiting the winter and entering into the spring of my life.

During this re-awakening, I invite you to this journey. As I prepare for the big 35, I am opening up about my new journey. This is the journey towards dropping 20 pounds to be a healthier person. A journey of starting a church. A journey of the living the best life I can for me. My blog will chronicle this journey - the ups, downs and the in between. It is my prayer that as I open up and share it with the world, it will help someone else to open up, clear out the clutter, and live the life that God has designed for them.

Happy Spring Cleaning!

Names Are Important!

Today I attended the worship service at Sisters Chapel on the campus of Spelman College. Rev. Dr. Renita Weems was the guest preacher and ministered on the thought "Something Within" based on the warning issued from Pilate's wife when Pilate had to make a decision about the fate of Jesus. The sermon was great but it was the larger context behind the sermon.

Dr. Weems reminded us of the voices of those unnamed women in the scripture and provided the name of this woman that the Christian text had ommitted. Claudia was her name according to Jewish records but our Christian text chose to omit her name. Though her name was ommitted, the power of her words lives throughout history. How many times do we feel as if our names are forgotten but the legacy of our work, our thoughts, our encouragements, our challenges are never forgotten. As women it is hard to always be remembered. Though women make great strides in the world, we still live within a patriarchial society. Women still struggle to have their voices heard in the boardroom, bedroom, churches, communities, schools, etc. The work of women transcends lifetimes but their names are often so easily forgotten.

This sermon was a reminder to me not to play shy and play small because of my gender, experience level, physical features or others expectations. As I listened to the message, I was reminded of the name I was given at birth. My name is Evita named after Eva Peron, the First Lady of Argentina. The Spanish derivative of her name is Evita. She was a woman of power and influence, respected and admired among the citizens of Argentina. She was considered the Spiritual Leader of a Nation. She fought on behalf of the least of these in Argentina and won recognition because of her political drive and work within her country.

I was not given this name on accident. Even as I was born into the world, my mother realized the power of a name upon the character of her new born child. As I have lived my life, I have wrestled with understanding my identity, standing up for myself and for what I believed in, for not playing shy or small because others could not handle who I really am. Even at 34, I still wrestle with these challenges but the more I stay in the will of God and seek God to show me who I really am, the more I am able to shed these layers to fully embrace who I am, what I am and all that comes along with being me.

As the sermon shed light on, I do have "Something Within" that empowers and equips me to think, to have an opinion, to share wisdom, to offer encouragement, to help change the future of a society. I am important and have been given an assignment by God to fulfill even if it makes others uncomfortable, upset or envious. I can no longer hide in the shadows just trying to do things quietly because I don't want to ruffle any feathers. I am called to speak Truth to Power when no one else is willing to say a word. I am called to help lead people to The Light in order to bring them out of darkness. All of this is the mantle given to me and I cannot allow lives to be held in the balance because I continue to think I am not important.

I am thankful for the women preachers, theologians, academics and leaders that helped pave the way for women like me. I am thankful for a strong mother who gave me a name which speaks to my destiny. I am thankful and grateful that Evita LaShelle Smith was born, lives and will make a difference in this life. My name and my works are important and therefore I must go forward in all that God has for me.

Names are Important!

New Beginnings!

It is interesting how we try to hold on to things that we know we really should let go of. However, God knows best and moves when we are still contemplating what the right move is. As I sat watching on-line service for the place that birth me into destiny spiritually, I was once again challenged to move beyond fear and apprehension to say a complete yes to what God has said and ordained. I have been released from the place that prevented me from moving forward and have nothing to hold me back from God's promises for my life and ministry.

Today is the new beginning. The question is now that I have it, what will I do with it. I am determined to do all that God has purposed in my heart to do. As Bishop Long taught on this morning "I Shall Pursue! I Shall Overtake and I Shall Recover All". No more delay, no more questioning, no more waiting for a person to call it into existence for me. God has spoken and that settles it.

It is time for my new beginning. I stand ready to accept the responsibility as senior pastor, leader, organizer and mentor. I have been prepared for this moment. It is my prayer that every lesson learned will be put into effect. I pray that I continue to serve as a spiritual "midwife" birthing people into their destiny. I pray to help spread the unadulterated word of God to the nations. I pray to fulfill everything that God has said over my life.

Today is my new beginning! I thank God for this moment and I pray to maximize it!

The Power of Praying Women: Defying the Odds

It has been repeatedly stated that women cannot work together, play together or really be friends. Somehow it seems the claws come out and for one reason or another, the relationship seems to suffer. I must admit at one time in my life I used to support this notion. As a result, I would not make very many female friends because I did not want to deal with the drama. I guess that is why I had the same two best friends since the eighth grade. I loved having a male best friend because I did not have the drama associated with the competitiveness of women.

The tides would change when I went to seminary. I guess one thing is invaluable – relationships with praying women. Whether it was the struggles of classes, making sense of ministry, dealing with a broken relationship, or just a bad day, the praying women in my life have made all of the difference. Now that I have graduated from seminary, God has continued the relationships with my circle of praying sisters and it has grown. At a time when it is really needed in my life, I appreciate the wealth of wisdom, the encouragement, and the challenge that I receive from my praying Sistah friends.

I am thankful that God has aligned our paths during this particular point on the journey. I am thankful that I can send an email or make a phone call and they know just what to do. I really do know that it is possible to defy the odds and the stereotypes associated with women as friends. The key to its success is the ability to put God first, let God join together and know that prayer will make the impossible possible.

Keep Praying Ladies! I’m praying for you.

Saying "Yes"

One of my favorite worship songs is “Yes” by Shekinah Glory Ministries. Usually as I prepare to write a sermon, I will play this song in order to set the atmosphere for my sermons. The song says “If I told you what I really need from thee, would your heart and soul say yes?” The song stress how the Lord says there is more that I require of you. As I reflect on the lyrics of this song, it never ceases to pierce my spirit that as I have committed my life to ministry, the more these statements and questions become real to me.

Over the past couple of weeks, I have been placed in a cycle of personal issues while dealing with the day to day issues of church and ministry. As the pressure has become more intense of my own issues, once again I hear the lyrics to this song come to the forefront of my mind. Sometimes I question what exactly did I say yes to. What does it really mean to say “yes”? How much will it cost me or is costing me to say “yes” daily as I balance dying to myself in order to live out what God has called me to do?

Yes has cost me relationships which brings on periods of loneliness. Yes has cost me finances when I have known what it is to do well. Yes, has cost me the structure of security as the world would define it. Some people would say that Christians have no right to become depressed. However, I would be a liar if I did not say that in the midst saying yes, I have felt sad and depressed at times. The question becomes what happens when it seems like your faith is not enough to sustain through “yes”?

The more I say “yes” the more issues seem to come forward. The more I say “yes” the more I begin to question. The more I say “yes” the more unsecure my footing seems to be by my definition or comfort. What does it mean to sacrifice all for the sake of the ministry and this calling which I have? At this point, I can’t turn back because there is nothing to turn back to. All has been abandoned to fulfill this calling. I regret none of it and I will continue to press on. One thing is for certain, “yes” cost but at all cost, I must continue to run on and see what the end will be.

Preachers (and Pastors) Don’t Dance

Tonight my church hosted an All-White Celebration in honor of my pastor’s birthday. The party came with much opposition and I really didn’t think it would happen when I first presented the idea. Though it seemed as if everyone (and I mean everyone) was determined to shut it down, it was my pastor’s desire and I was going to make it happen. Even up to the very last minute before the party it seemed as if everything still wanted to oppose the party. Nonetheless, the party was a success and my pastor was happy. Mission Accomplished!

In all white, we danced to the tunes of artists such as Frankie Beverly & Maze, all the way to Soulja Boy. We even had to go back into time with a little Bobby Blue Bland but we brought it back with a little “Walk it Out”. The interesting aspect for me was the reaction of some people in the crowd when I got out with the young adults to dance, trying to encourage the crowd to dance. (As an event planner, sometimes you have to get the party started to break the ice.) It looked like some were horrified to see the Executive Pastor (or E.P. as the young adults call me) on the dance floor. Why be shocked? I love to dance and danced before the pulpit and still love to dance outside of it from time to time.

While some may have found it inappropriate, I found it as a perfect opportunity to connect with the young adults of the church. They may not always connect with you in the traditional Sunday morning service but they will connect with you when they see you can (and are willing to) meet them in an activity that is fun for them. Sometimes we have to step outside of the binds of traditionalism and old school mentality to learn to “get in where you fit in” and enjoy the moment. All things must be done in moderation and I would never do anything to degrade myself. But I see nothing wrong with a little dancing every now and again. U-Turn and Cupid Shuffle work for me.

To all the people that think preachers and pastors don’t dance….yes they do. We all like to have fun, enjoy people, enjoy ourselves and appreciate being able to relax every once in a while. Maybe if more preachers and pastors danced every once in a while we all would enjoy a more balanced leader. As for me, I don’t think I am fully ready to retire my dancing shoes just yet.

So as the song goes, "I hope you dance". And my reply...yes I will.

And the Women Shall Keep Silent (Not!)

A few nights ago I had the opportunity to attend a panel discussion focused on youth issues. After listening to a group of adults talk about youth but fail to ask the youth present about the things which affect them, I became quite frustrated. At first, I was not going to voice my concerns. However, my mother told me that I had a voice and I had something to say. As I stood to address the panel with my concerns, it was part of the process to introduce yourself before stating your question or comment. After introducing myself as a pastor, the look of horror on the faces of the women and the clergy in the room was monumental. If I had not realized it before then, I had officially stepped back in time. Standing in the sanctuary of a traditional, southern, Baptist church was a 34 year old, seminary trained, black woman addressing a black, all-male panel recognizing herself as a "pastor". Who was I to make such a claim?

Following the panel discussion, as we were preparing to leave, a couple of persons who knew me shared with the pastor of the church that he should invite me to preach at his church sometime. The first statement he made was "Can you bring a word?" At the end of the conversation, he states "I will give your card to my wife and she can have you preach for a Women's Day" service. My first reaction within myself was "Who does that?"

In 2010, it amazes me the number of pastors and/or churches that still hold to the traditional thought process or theology that women are not to be anything more than Sunday school teachers, youth leaders, church secretaries but not ministers and definitely not pastors. In 2010, women are still trying to break out of the box of preaching assignments which only encompass women's day services, women's conferences or some other female approved church holiday. In 2010, women are still pushing to break through the obstacles which relegate them to dying churches, churches in rural areas, or non-growing churches. In some institutions, women are treated as children of old...seen but not heard. The women are to keep silent...NOT!

As a seminary educated, former corporate woman, it is quite disheartening to face the closed minded theology of those who do not believe women should be preachers and ministers. As one who understands the divine call of God on your life, it is interesting to stand and be questioned by man (or woman) as to the validity or the ability of the call of God on your life. Those who face these challenges and obstacles cannot be relegated to the back of the room, to the "suitable" positions in the church, or to better yet, sit quietly in their place, preferably as the elegantly dressed "pastor's wife".

It is time for the women of God to discover and develop their voice. It is time for the women of God to "accept their acceptance" as vessels that God can and will use. There is a Word from the Lord and it may come from the mouth of a woman.